Juice Cleansing or Juice Detox – it’s a hot topic right now. I keep
hearing about these things and reading about the celebrities who are
devoted to them. Beyonce lost weight quickly doing the Master Cleanse;
Gwyneth does a juice fast every season; even size 0 Sarah Jessica
Parker has downed juice in an effort to ‘cleanse’ herself. So of course
my curiosity was piqued.
First, I admit right here and now that I have NEVER been able to
stick to any type of cleanse or fast that doesn’t involve eating solid
food. I like food. I like chewing. I would never be the girl to go on a
hunger strike! BUT, after a weekend indulging in not so healthy things
and maybe because the juices sound so yummy and look exotic and
interesting, I decided to do at least one day of the Blueprint Juice
Cleanse. Maybe it could be a springboard into a more in depth eating
overhaul. Or maybe I just wanted to see if I could do it for ONE day.
Just a day.
Of course they tell you not to just jump into this thing cold
turkey. You’re supposed to prepare yourself by eliminating refined
foods, meat and weaning yourself off of coffee. So naturally I just
decided on Monday morning that I would do it that very day after a long
weekend of over indulgence as we had an out of town guest.
I jetted over to Whole (paycheck) Foods and gathered my six bottles
of BluePrint juices I’d be drinking. Sixy dollars later – yes, SIXTY
DOLLARS – I was ready to rock out my day of juice fasting. At first
everything was fine. I wasn’t even hungry when I woke up, probably due
to the sheer amount of calories we’d consumed over the weekend. I
didn’t mind the taste of the pond scum looking juice concoction that was
my breakfast. And my lunch. The ‘snack’ of pineapple mint juice was
very tasty.
As the day went on, I didn’t feel too bad. Then, around two
I started to feel really, really hungry. My stomach started to protest
this juice cleanse and was loudly telling me about it as I felt a
gnawing in my belly accompanied by a lovely growling sound. The more I
tried not to think about food, the more I thought about food. Instead
of eating the cat (Cheeto was looking tasty, hair and all), I brewed
some herbal tea that tasted like dirt and gravel. Tummy monster tamed
for the moment I scraped my tongue to get rid of the tea taste, grabbed
my dinner (more pond scum), and went back to work.
I was trying to hold off on my juicy dinner of more pond scum as long
as I could in an effort to get through the night. As I was teaching
all I could think about was my green juice just waiting to be chewed.
Yes, they reccommend you ‘chew your juice’ to kick the digestive enzymes
into action. Because apparently my stomach should be digesting
itself. At least that’s what I was thinking at this point. I sucked
down my pond scum manna on the way home and despite my drinking my
weight in tea and water I was still hungry. I think I actually heard my
stomach talking to me at one point, something about how I evil I was.
When I got home, I almost had a panic attack to see my husband
eating. Real. Food. A turkey sandwich and Pirate Booty never looked so
good. The sounds of him chewing that crunchy Pirate Booty almost drove
me to madness. Instead of giving in I screamed some obscenities at
him, grabbed my last bottle of juice (cashew milk with cinnamon and
vanilla – sounds better than it tastes) and crawled away. I texted a
friend telling her I felt light headed and a bit euphoric. And hungry.
She told me to go to bed. I downed my juice and did just that.
I woke up today, feeling less bloated and really hungry. I had
bought one extra juice and decided I might give today another go and had
that for breakfast. But as I write this, my head is pounding, I feel
very light headed and I’m pretty sure my stomach is going to go Alien on
me and eat me from the inside out. So yes, I did it for one day. And I
think that’s enough for me.
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